Living Life Without Labels

DH: Can I ask this, have you ever had a situation where you go to rent a car and they at least hesitate to rent to you because…

AL: One time, one time and that was just an individual who was new to her job. It was in London, England, which was important only because they were thinking, but there’s a rule in England apparently, that you’re supposed to keep both hands on the steering wheel. This is what she said until I said, except how do you drive a manual transmission car? You have to be able to leave one hand and do the gear shift. She didn’t like that comparison and in the end, she said, look, I’m the manager. I have the last right to refuse and I’m sorry, I’m not going to rent you a car. So it was really funny because my wife Darlene, who we can talk about later and my mom, I call her my mom, my foster mom, they were two very similar people. They let me, both of them in my lifetime battle my own battles, but then once it got to a place where I was not going to have success, don’t anger the women.

DH: No, they’ll turn into the hulk.

AL: I’ll drive the effing car. Let’s get out of here. She had never driven on the other side of the road. She’d never driven in London. We drove about two blocks, switched spots, I got in the driver’s seat and drove the rest of the way. Here’s what the gal in England missed. This was a company that starts with an H and ends with a Z and I was a top-level member with them, which said that I’m renting over 50 cars a year. She missed that one, but you know what, I wasn’t even offended that it was just one of those things where not everybody is in the same journey space at the same time and as you might have already guessed, I learned to have a really good sense of humor about this.

DH: So growing up, I’m guessing because that’s just how kids are and if you look around the world people they like to bully a lot. How did you deal with bullying?

AL: I didn’t have bullies. I grew up in a town where people knew me. It was a small town of about 10,000 people on the prairies in Canada, a place called Yorkton, Saskatchewan. Now did I get made fun of by some kids? Absolutely. Did it last? No, because I knew like the idea of what you already mentioned, Devon, people were going to look at me. I had ways of dealing with it. I actually used to tell a story. I don’t tell it anymore because if you don’t get the right information from this story, you might take it the wrong way. But in fact, what I used to do to the kids that would make fun of me is throw rocks at them with my toes because that’s what I did. I couldn’t fight them so I would throw rocks at them. I actually got detention for throwing rocks at a kid and hitting him in the forehead and he didn’t get in any trouble, even though he was calling me names but he was a kid from an older grade. I didn’t know him. He wasn’t my buddy. People learned, and by the way, there’s going to be a few moments in this interview that are going to sound preachy, but what I would suggest is…

DH: I would say preach, brother, preach.

AL: The whole bullying thing is real but it was also exaggerated because a lot of the victims of bullying needed to learn how to stick up for themselves better. But here’s the one that most people miss, the bullies need help too.

DH: I heard this, I was interviewing a Jamaican athlete and she said “hurt people, hurt people.” I’ve heard it since. It’s so true.

AL: Great line. You know, the guy that I threw the rock at, he ended up becoming what would be the equivalent in the United States of the Lieutenant Governor of the state, the deputy premier of Saskatchewan. He happened to end up at a recreational property that I have in Canada on a Lake because there was a golf tournament going on and I invited a bunch of people over for some adult beverages on my beautiful deck and he showed up and he was very uncomfortable because he was the kid that made fun of me. And when we finally sat down and had a proper chat over a pint, when he told me the kind of life he had at home. His father was an alcoholic. He used to get beat up by his dad all the time. His dad was a yeller. He was a mean guy, screamed all the time. He didn’t know how to handle his own life and he had to actually deal with, he had serious problems with making fun of kids. So can you imagine, and again, I’m not trying to suggest that bullies don’t exist and it’s not a good thing. It’s not a good thing. Never a good thing. Never, ever treat somebody poorly. But I taught people how to treat me and I still do that to this day.

DH: Important lesson. I think you taught people how to treat you because a lot of times the way we show up in the world is how people are going to respond to us and treat us. And if you are, again, I don’t want to suggest that the victims of bullying are creating this or inviting it but if you turn up and show up too meek and mild, so to speak and don’t recognize that you have to grow a backbone and stand up for yourself, people will take advantage of you because it’s just human nature to want to take advantage of those that you deem weaker than you.

AL: But I’ll tell you Devon, what it has done is, it’s created a public dialogue which is the most important thing. See, I’ve never liked the idea that we solve issues of anger with anger, anytime. That’s always been my style and I think that’s part of why when I got older and you asked me the question earlier about what was this thing that I learned, I learned that these thalidomide babies, and you actually said the word right to thalidomide babies, they weren’t really bullied, they were non-present. Their parents didn’t take them out of the house. Half of the ones that I met over the years that told me this story, I just couldn’t believe it, that they never even went to school because schools weren’t equipped for them and the whole culture of society was so against the odds. And isn’t it funny here in 2000 almost 20 we are embracing people’s authenticity, embracing people’s uniqueness and more than anything, embracing diversity? I mean, God, why did this take so long?

DH: True. Fortunately, though, it’s actually changing. So that’s a step in the absolute right direction. So, tell me, you started talking about your parents, Hilda and Jack Law, right? You said that there were lots of other babies who suffered from the effects of the drug who were kept in the house, but your dad said, hey, you’re either gonna sit in the house and eat toast or you’re going to get out. So they challenged you, they made sure that they didn’t put any limitations on you.

AL: What I think it also was to be quite blunt about this, mom and dad were actually, mom in particular, was kind of doing a job. They worked kind of for the government of Canada. They kind of had to take care of these, by the way, they started their foster home, I love stories like this even though it’s my own story. They had a 975 square foot, three-bedroom bungalow that they bought new, their first new house ever in 1957. They were married in 1930 at the beginning of the depression. My father and mother somehow survived the depression with two small children. So I’ve got a brother who was born in 1932 and another brother who was born in 1936. They raised a family of infants and children during the depression and then World War II came along and my father signed up, volunteered, went and fought in World War II, was gone for four years. He came home one time, came home with medals on his chest as we like to say, and haunting memories in his head that we used to never talk about. Now we are opening a dialogue to mental health surrounding this post-traumatic stress, right?

Here’s a couple who had been through so much, and I’m just going to tell you who they were as a couple. They were people of great faith, but not extreme faith. We didn’t read the Bible. We didn’t say prayers at bedtime, except I always said my good night prayer, we did didn’t engage that way, but I always went to church and that faith component was huge in their life. So when they had two empty bedrooms instead of retiring and enjoying their life, mom said, I think we should bring in homeless children, foster kids, kids that have been abused, kids that have been treated poorly, and that’s what they did. So they got a reputation. They didn’t have that many. I think there were two or three by the time I showed up, but when I was given up, nobody wanted to take home the armless child. I understand that. Who would really, if you take, who could have possibly predicted this as a baby looking at me for the first time. That’s why I think stories are a very powerful thing to say in society. Not to look at people and say, this is rude. What’s your excuse? Everybody has something that gets in their way of success. Sometimes I’m going to use my toe. Sometimes it’s just up here, nothing to do physical life, but, it’s all in here. I’m pointing at my chest, not my heart, but my soul. My parents were white, but they were full of soul because they have this attitude. They loved going to church, they loved to sing. We celebrated our lives every day, so how could I possibly be a mistake? When you start to change that in your mind, then there’s nothing in the world that can stop you from your goals.

DH: Indeed, indeed. So I know that at some stage you were able to reconnect with your birth family. Talk to us about that a bit.

AL: Yeah, that’s a good question, Devon. I had a very strange year this year. We all go through this losing loved ones. I met my birth mother, her name is Sophie in 1993 and she passed away this past July at 92 years old. We had been connected for all…

DH: Wow, she lived a long time.

AL: Thank you, man. I appreciate you mentioning that. We met, however, not because I was trying to find my “real family”. I acknowledge people that are adopted want to do that. I totally get that, but I didn’t have that desire. Yeah, I never wanted to. Yeah. It was Darlene, actually, we were getting married in July of ‘93 that brought it up. She said “we’re going to get married once, right, honey?” “Yes, dear.” I don’t want to make this the wrong thing because we were both getting married for the second time. She had been divorced. I’ve been divorced. I was a single dad. She said, what about your birth family? Maybe we should meet them so they can have the opportunity to come to the wedding. Now, I was the stubborn one. I said I have no desire to do that. Here’s the decline and I live this world. She said, but Alvin, in this case, you’re wrong because it’s not about you. It’s about her. What I learned, Devon, which was the most powerful thing I learned about that drug was the drug, by the way, didn’t just take arms. It mostly took all four limbs. Very blessed to not have messed up legs or feet. I really was. The point is that so many of these moms blamed themselves because they took the medicine. They grew up with that mindset. Maybe you know, people like that. They blame themselves for their lack of success, so they, therefore, live that way for the rest of their lives. I never ever criticized people like that, but what I try to tell people like that is, look, when are you going to start enjoying your life rather than mourning it?

These women were mourning these children, right in their homes. Sophie was mourning me even though I was alive. So Darlene made me understand. Meet her so you can basically sit in the same room and say “I’m good. I’m good.” And that changed everything and changed her life. It changed the lives of my birth siblings, Alan and Elaine, they had a tough life growing up. Right. There was a missing child in the house but I also found out they were poor farmers. They didn’t have running water, they didn’t have heat. …… not electrical heat. They didn’t have anything like that. Outdoor toilets. How could you look after an armless child in an environment like that? But this was the kicker. Sorry to keep, this is a long story, I’m almost done but here’s the kicker man. They would have, especially Sophie would have done everything for me because of the guilt complex. I use my feet like hands. You saw me eating. I know it seems odd to people. I totally get that but I even talked with my feet because my foster mother instead of being embarrassed by my lack of arms basically said, well, we can’t change what happened. It’s a great line but we can change what’s going to happen.

DH: Absolutely. So, your foster mother Hilda taught you how to eat, how to dress yourself, how to sew, I’m trying to figure it out, man, how to thread a needle and I’m guessing all of that stuff was challenging and I want you to talk about that but also tell me what would you say was the toughest part of growing up?

AL: I think the toughest part about growing up was as I got older, I started to wonder if maybe it was just my little community that was embracing me.Because once I leave my little community, am I going to face this world out there that doesn’t know me. Because I kind of brushed it over a little bit, but I went away a lot. When I was a kid I had to go to a lot of hospitals and a lot of hospitals were there not because I was sick, but because they were convinced I needed artificial arms, so they put these artificial arms on my shoulders. The first pair, it was kind of funny, my wife and I, over Christmas, we were watching that classic Robin Williams movie Hook, where he goes as Peter Pan, I could relate to Hook on the camera because I had two of those. I had those big shiny hooks and they were useless by the way. So it was more the medical community that said, you need these. So when I would go to those hospitals, I almost thought like maybe my parents are crazy. Maybe they’re living in this world where this is going to be my future but even more importantly, I think what it boiled down to, this is so shallow, but I think it’s got to be something I got to say. I wanted to fall in love, right? I’m heterosexual, I wanted to date, I wanted to hold a girl’s hand. Well, good luck with that one. So I didn’t actually start dating until I was 20 years old.

DH: Because I guess no girl wants to hold a guy’s feet.

AL: Not at first but you should meet Darlene. In fact, the joke in our house is I know why I was attracted to her. She’s an extremely attractive woman but, why was she attracted to me? I don’t think it was the biceps.

DH: That’s the only thing I have going for me, man.

AL: Yeah, you’re lying. You know what’s really funny is you actually have something that I’m sure you talk about, but my wife noticed it. You can probably, your listeners or your followers that are watching this right now can feel it. I have a life energy and so does Darlene and so do all my friends and so do you, and do you ever get around someone, you’re around them for 30 seconds and it was 25 seconds too long? Because their energy is different. Their energy is angry. Their energy is wanting to blame somebody. I say that with respect because who knows what people have gone through but that’s what my mom, probably the greatest gift was, even when I was struggling, my mom would say, look, your father and I are in our sixties now, almost 70 we’ve had a pretty hard life. Everybody has a hard life Alvin, it’s what you do with that hard life that will ultimately make the difference. So I just got over it. I mean, I hate to be dismissive. I just got over it. It’s like, okay, I don’t really have that big of a problem, do I? I’m loved. I’m not hungry. I’ve got a roof over my head. Life is good.

DH: Awesome. So, you kind of touched on this before, this point, but I wanted to bring it up again because no matter who you are, where you’re from, I think all of us have a handicap or more accurately a perceived disadvantage and chances are there’s not much you can do about this disadvantage. You can’t change the fact that you were born without arms, but you still have a lot you said, soul. You still have a lot that will allow you to lead a successful life and create an impact. And I think that when I listened to you, I kind of feel that’s one of the most important lessons you got from your parents as well.

AL: Absolutely. And I’m going to say something that’s going to sound, I’ll let your audience judge how this sounds. Well, one of the things that, believe it or not, changed my perspective on things was Dr. King, Dr. Martin Luther King. Obviously, you know who that is, if you don’t, you can look him up. He was, I was I guess four or five years old around the time that he lost his life but I had heard stories about him because my father always read the newspaper and he would sit in his big lounging chair and we didn’t have a lot of money, but we got a daily newspaper and around the time that the conflict was happening with Dr. King, and then he eventually was killed, my dad would use his speeches to talk to me. I will always remember, even as a little boy those words, I never ever got the words right, but in my head, the words said, the outside doesn’t matter, character is everything. No one can say, well, you’re white, what would you get from that? I know I’m white, but I was also marginalized by my lack of arms, by the stereotype and the stigma that would go with it. Even though this is the real tricky one, Devon, and I imagine you’ve dealt with this too in your own personal life. There is a marginalization of people of color. There is a marginalization of people that are poor. It’s a fact of life. We can’t just brush it over. The trouble is too many of the people that were fighting against it still to this day are mad. And that’s why I believe my world lives around this whole idea of motivational speaking but it’s not to get up on stage and say, aren’t I amazing? Even though that may be viewer’s perception, it’s actually more of the story of my parents that crafted this gift, but I don’t know if we’re going to get to this sooner than later but what really changed my whole life, man, was music. Playing music. That’s what changed it.

DH: Yeah. So talk to us about that, how did you get into playing an instrument and getting so good at music?

AL: So you’re a speaker, my friend, we’ve met lots of speakers. There’s a thing in our business they call the signature story, right? Yours I’m guessing still is about Calgary and bobsledding, yes? By the way, we’re coming at you. I’m in Calgary and if I go up on my roof I can see the mountains. So that’s how beautiful a place my wife and I live, and that place where you came and competed is still there to this day.

DH: I agree. It’s my favorite Canadian city. I have to say it. So sorry to all the others.

AL: Yeah, so I mentioned that only because I totally get this idea in our business that we have to have a story that’s like our imprint. The thing that people remember, I’m not sure which one is the favorite of my audiences, but my favorite personal story, and I’ll be very brief about this, was when my mother got a phone call when I was in fifth grade in school, that I got 96% on a music aptitude test and the director of the city of Yorkton Music Program for schools was calling from head office to get permission to put me in the band. You can’t make this stuff up, man. Mom says, wow, he loves to sing but you want him to play an instrument? Yes. Did you have one in mind? You know what, Mrs. Law, we normally don’t do this, but we can give you a special offer because clearly, your son has magnificent talent. Why don’t you let him pick any instrument he wants? This is on the phone now. Not on zoom, not on video, not on Skype. This is a phone call, right? She says, that sounds very generous of you, sir, but I’ve got a really important question. Have you met him? And true story, he says, no, I’m just calling from the central office. I don’t know any of the kids yet. Well, Alvin has no arms. She says, and then a very short time later, he politely hangs up.

Now, obviously, everybody that knows now that I brought it up and even when you see me on stage, I’ve got a drum sitting there, I’ve got a piano sitting there. People are kind of going he’s not going to play those, is he? I like to kind of leave them hanging and not knowing for sure but the best part of the story is it creates a wonderful speaker story except it’s real. The reason that you are talking to me today, that I’m one of the luckiest guys on planet earth is because I was born this way because I was given opportunities to have stories like this because I was able to meet people, mom, and dad, different stories. That was a whole different story. They adopted me. That was not my choice but Mr. McClary phoned back six weeks later, the band director guy calls and says, I’ve got it, they mounted a trombone on the side of a chair that I played with my foot like this that’s how I played trombone that’s how I got into the band. In 1978, I was the number one ranked high school jazz trombone player in Canada, number one in the nation. Am I bragging? Yes, but the point of the story is I would not have got there if Blaine McClary hadn’t phoned back. So that’s a wonderful sneaker story but it’s also a wonderful human story, isn’t it?

DH: Yeah, it is, and one of the things I’m getting from the story too is when you choose not to become a victim but to take control of your situation, you get to create some really cool stories in your life that you can share with others that then inspire them so, kudos to you. So you started out with great parents who saw the potential in you, right? They challenged you. They didn’t want you to see the limitations, right? But there are those people, Alvin, who don’t have that, what advice do you have for them?

AL: Well, first of all, Devon, sorry to interrupt. First of all, subscribe to Keep on Pushing, seriously, because you are putting stories out for people they need to hear. The best thing I can recommend to people, that was a great question because I acknowledge it in every talk. I acknowledge it every time that I do one of these interviews. I know I was lucky to have those parents raising me. So what the short, it might even be rude, answer would be that was your past. We all have a choice for our future. Now, I know what some people are thinking. They’re thinking, oh man, you have no idea what I’ve been through. You’re right. I don’t have any idea what you’ve been through. Can you at least acknowledge whoever’s watching or listening to this that you don’t know what I went through? You know it’s kind of funny when I met my birth mom, she ended up coming to Calgary, I think it was around 2002 and I don’t know if I mentioned this already, but we just lost her at 92 so it was a very not long relationship and obviously, it’s done on earth now, but she was confused a little bit because what your audience doesn’t know probably or they might, I would love the idea of this I’m actually really a big celebrity in the province of Saskatchewan, Canada and I like to joke that’s not very hard because it’s like being famous in Iowa or Jamaica, it’s easy to be famous in Jamaica but I was famous in this little province because I started going on television right when it was still becoming colored television because I played trombone and then I learned to play the drums and then I learned to tap dance and our town wasn’t very big, but it had its own TV station. So people were starting to watch and then I got on this telethon in 1977 that it’s become a legend in Saskatchewan called Telemiracle and it raised $1 million in 20 hours and I just happened to be the poster child for the handicap children of Saskatchewan that year and I got up on television in front of 600,000 viewers at home and played the drums with a band and all of a sudden, Alvin was famous. The point is, my birth family knew that my birth family, even though we weren’t allowed to tell in those days, we weren’t allowed to go meet them in those days, our files were sealed. They knew who Alvin was. I was famous, sort of. I was successful, yes. I was happy. Imagine if you’re my birth mum watching this, are you happy for me or are you living in regret? See that’s another thing that I’ve learned and maybe you have too, be happy for people’s success, right? Yeah. You didn’t win the gold medal in Calgary, but boy, you had fun didn’t you?

DH: I certainly did, yeah.

AL: The people you hung out with. That’s my point is that the whole idea of this, and really I’m going to be really blunt about this too, is that learning to meet Sophie more than anything taught me about how lucky I was to have the family that I have to push me way they did, to encourage me but Sophie was confused. So we brought her to Calgary, she came to visit our home and you know what man? I’m very blessed. I’ve got a big house not because I’m rich, but that’s Calgary. A lot of houses are big, so it’s actually more expensive to live in a tiny house in the city center than it is out in the burbs. So I’ve got like a 3000 square foot house. We’ve got a beautiful backyard, I’ve got a hot tub, I’ve got all this stuff. All those things that tell you and your ego, you’re successful, which by the way, aren’t really that important. But the fact of the matter is, Sophie comes into our home, we’re sitting in the kitchen one morning having coffee she starts to cry and says, I should have kept you. And I looked at her, I said, okay, Sophie we’re going to get this out in the open right now, you didn’t. Devon, how many people you know live in the past and all the regrets?

DH: Yeah, too many and that holds you back.

AL: It does hold you back because it keeps you stuck in what made you a victim?

DH: Indeed.

AL: So then I said to Sophie, here’s the reason for the story, sorry, it’s a long one. Sophie, you see the success. You don’t see the journey. It was like Michael Jordan living in a big mansion. What if you saw Michael Jordan’s story from the time he was a little boy or LeBron James or you? I mean, we’ve all got a story, but the problem with so many stories is they need to have dramatic tension to be on Hollywood or on Netflix now and you know what? My story didn’t have a lot of dramatic tension because every seeming step of the way, I was so blessed to have these people enter my life, even Sophie. Meeting her gave me perspective and helped me understand that I was so lucky to have parents that did push me but more than anything, Sophie finally realized her destiny was not to keep me, but her destiny was to give birth to me and let Jack and Hilda Law, do the dirty work.

DH: An important lesson I think for both of you too, in terms of gratitude. Often time…..too often, we focus so much on all the things that we don’t have or have lost and spend so little time looking at all the other many wonderful things we have in our lives.

AL: Well, and I also think sometimes cynics would say, that’s a platitude, but it’s real. Darlene and I were just down in Palm Springs last week for a little escape. I take her away not as a possession, but because she stays at home and runs the office all the time I always surprise her with a trip. So we started going to Hawaii many years ago, actually the Island of Kauai, which we love, but we ended up with a place that we have a timeshare but we couldn’t get into Kauai. So we went down to Palm Springs and the city of Palm Springs is a typical California city, although it’s not a typical place by any stretch, but California city. It wasn’t really hot but beautiful and it’s so good for hiking. Day two, we are out in the middle of nowhere and we come down this path and we end up at a waterfall and we just sat on the rocks and looked at the waterfall and I’ve got a new series that I’m filming now it’s called on the road with Alvin. [unclear 00:35:54] take an eye. I got my camera on my phone here. I got my phone and I just hold it up and I just filmed myself telling a funny story or telling a thoughtful story or telling a provocative story. I taped the show by the waterfall saying, this is real. You don’t need to drive a Porsche. You don’t need to live in Manhattan. You don’t need to have a yacht. You can take a walk in the park, you can take a walk in the field, you can take a walk in nature and just embrace the fact that you have been blessed with life. That life may not be perfect but the whole key to what you can cause for your own joy is up here in here and right in that soul. Now, that’s where it all is.

DH: Learning. Preach it, brother. So learning, let’s talk about learning because I think most times when we hear the term learning, immediately think of school and all the learning that took place in school, but I still believe, which is one of the reasons why I speak about keep on pushing is that you have to embark on this process of being a continuous learner. How do you see that idea Alvin, becoming a continuous learner impacting our ability to continue to succeed?

AL: Boy, you ask good questions, my friend. We are a bit duped in our Western world but granted all over the world that the only form of education is in school. I support school. I support education. I’m not sure it’s set up right because if you follow, this is a little cynical just to prepare you because I have my cynical moments, don’t we all? America, in particular, is if you don’t go to Harvard or Yale, you’re not going to have a life. That’s a lie because most people have never been to Harvard or Yale. Most people have been to, you know what community college or you know what technical school or you know what going back and upgrading your education, that’s called playing the game and we must play the game. And I can relate because I did exactly that. My dad, again, reminded me, son, they’re not going to deliver your job in your future to the door in a parcel truck so you’ve got to go out and earn it. How you earn it can either be on the ground earning and by the way, manual labor, plumbing, putting a building together, fencing, painting, anything that’s menial or manual labor is the most honorable job on the planet and we need fewer lawyers.

DH: I agree.

AL: So the fact of the matter is, my dad was a mechanic and taught me the blue-collar mindset that we work hard but your question was perfect and here’s why. There’s education around us everywhere. When’s the last time you went and talked to a homeless person, honestly? People are so uncomfortable with those folks. I do events that raise money for a lot of causes. And I met a guy not too long ago in San Diego. I was raising money for the challenged athletes’ foundation. It was actually a charity that was co-created by Robin Williams. Yes, that Robin Williams and it’s about providing high-end technical equipment, for mostly cyclists that are disabled. So for your Paralympic team in the United States, they have the San Diego homeless choir sing at this event and as a consequence in the green room before we were sitting all together. Now I’m not going to lie, I am uncomfortable with some people that are homeless because they have mental health problems. So they’re not just homeless, they’re scary people but these people were in this choir. So I started chatting with a guy. He happened to be black. He happened to be a big man and boy could he sing. And he told me a very quick story about how he was very successful in Los Angeles. He was a blues singer, had his own band, recorded albums and started snorting cocaine. Next thing you know, he’s onto heroin. Next thing you know, he’s hooked. Next thing you know, every spare cent he has is going into as he put it in a needle and before you knew it because he wasn’t singing properly he lost his recording contract, lost his band, lost his house, lost his family before you know it he’s on the street. He said that the whole thing took six months. So then that story I’m telling you, I just told the world. Is he proud of himself? Not even a little bit, but boy talk about an education. Every single person out there watching or listening needs to gain perspective on their lives. Even if they themselves are homeless because we’ve all got a choice.

DH: So he went from being really successful to failing but all of us fail. How do we handle that? Talking about learning, what are some of the lessons you think, the nuggets we can draw from our failures and how do you suggest we respond to our failures?

AL: Well, it’s funny because I happen to also be friends with Bob from Sesame Street. Do you know Bob who’s been on Sesame Street forever? I’m blessed to have Bob. He actually lives in New York as well. I’ve done a lot of telethons with Bob, but he’s of course with Sesame Street. Sesame Street has just this past month or month and a half released a segment online and on their show about the importance of failure. I failed at everything I did. You said something earlier that we kind of skipped over. I learned to sow buttons on rags with my toes, even threading the needle with my toes. Do you think I got that right the first time? No. Do you think I ate with my toes the first time? No. It took me until I was 17 years old, Devon, to go to the bathroom by myself. I’m going to be really blunt, my mom, my foster mom, the mom that raised me, Hilda Law, was a bit of a dichotomy. There’s an expensive word because everything she did to push me for success, she had a couple of flaws. One was I never learned to wipe my own butt. Now, I apologize for the graphic words I just said, but I want your audience to picture your mom wiping your butt at 16 years old in high school and how did that work on my self-esteem? That’s a great story, actually. I just thought of this, but then what happened was I didn’t want my mom to wipe my butt any more.

The alternative was to ask friends to help me go to the bathroom because actually, it was just the pants. I can’t show you, but it’s just the pants. I couldn’t do the button. I couldn’t do the zipper. In fact, you know what? If your audience wants a challenge today, go to the bathroom and don’t use your hands. Just don’t use your hands and see how far you get. That’ll put into perspective a little bit about what success and failure look like. Anyway, the point of the story is I had a buddy in school who was very honest with me one day. He says, why does your mom come to school all the time? Well, I wasn’t going to tell him about my butt. I said, well I can’t do my pants and he goes your mom comes all the way to school at lunch and takes you to the bathroom because why? I said who else is supposed to? My buddy Doug looks at me and he says, I’ll help you. Let’s consider what he just said. I’ll help you. Go to the bathroom? Yes. Do you have any idea how much fun you’re going to get made of, Doug? Doug’s answer, I play trumpet in the band. It couldn’t get any worse than that because we used to make fun of the band. Point of the story is that it made me learn to wipe my own butt because Doug was going nowhere near that part of my body and I’m going to do it with my flexibility. Everybody has to overcome something. Everybody. It’s being alive. Everybody fails. I mean, I think of so many Olympians that live in this city because this is where our training ground for so many winter sports. I’ve heard so many stories that are consistent with one thing. You don’t get to the gold medal unless you’ve lost a ton of races first.

DH: Indeed, indeed. Lots of frustrations and setbacks, man. So you’re right. I mean, this podcast is about inspiring people to succeed but we cannot do a good or an honest job of that without talking about failure because people think that, oh, failure isn’t something that I should experience, but it’s such an integral part of the success journey.

AL: It’s also intended. Failure’s supposed to show up. It’s not accidental. It’s part of the whole game plan. We have to sit back once in a while and go, you mentioned it about five minutes ago, what did I learn today? And by the way, here’s an even better question whether people are comfortable with reading or not because that’s no longer an excuse. We can listen to books audibly, right? People need to read more and not online. I mean, I know we’re on this thing and it’s wonderful and you can go on Facebook and complain about Donald Trump or we can complain about the Democrats or we can complain about the state of the economy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All that does is make us angry.

DH: And for the reading, Alvin, it’s not just about reading the news it’s about reading uplifting and inspiring material.

AL: So here’s the question I would ask your audience. What’s the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up? Do you grab this thing, turn it on and look at what’s happening? That starts your day off in a crappy way, right off the beginning. Do you know what I do? I read the comics. I read the funny pages.

DH: And hopefully, they are not also ending their day in that way because then all you’re leaving yourself with is this negative energy and negative stories.

AL: I’m going to talk about this for just a second. This was a great moment to bring this up. People say I can’t live without my phone or my device. That’s a cop-out and I’m not trying to be old here. These are great. I’ve got one too but guess what? I can’t carry it around. I can’t walk down the street looking at it.

DH: Exactly. That’s true too.

AL: I’ve got to stop, sit down, take out my phone. If it rings, I give up because I can’t answer it. People say, well why don’t you have one of those little devices on your ear? Because I can’t stand and poke the button on my ear so if I’ve got to sit down anyway I may as well grab my phone but here’s the thing, what is so important in here that you can’t wait 10 minutes to have a look at it?

DH: That’s true.

AL: It’s a challenge because we need to be more conscious. Do you use the word mindfulness, Devon, at all? Mindfulness?

DH: Yeah.

AL: That’s one of the most important things in my life to be mindful of all the people around me because people look at me and I can look at them and I can either answer with a negative, like grouchy look or I can smile and say, how are you doing? It’s amazing how that changes your day.

DH: Be ever-present, that’s good. So Alvin, talk to us about your message to your audience. I know you obviously have traveled around the world and you challenge and you inspire your audiences. Talk to us about that a bit.

AL: There are so many messages depending on the group. I try to customize every talk, not by research and having meetings with my clients but I am essentially a speaker of associations. I do a lot of companies too, but easily, the biggest number started being schools, tons of schools. The 2 million people that I talk about on my website and stuff that I’ve spoken to is a real deal. I started actually in 1981. So, the message has morphed over the years, but the message is essentially the same. If you are in an association, let’s just use this generically, you are going to an event, like a convention or a meeting to enhance your skills to learn new ideas, to be better at your job but the problem is most people forget they need to be better at being people first. The people part comes first. So essentially, all I’m doing is holding up a mirror to every audience not saying don’t feel uncomfortable with me because of this, but the fact is most people complain way too much, they whine way too much because we’ve been led down this road that says somewhere you get to a place where you’ve reached success. I know this is a cliché buddy, but I live every single day. It’s the journey, not the finish line.

DH: Yup. Yup. And if you’re living it, it’s not a cliché, by the way.

AL: Every morning I get up and the first thing I do, you asked me to do this earlier today, didn’t you? And what did I say? I said I’m not a morning person. Okay, I admit that. I’ve got flaws.

DH: But you also said that if you had to you would.

AL: And you know what’s really funny, man? I was actually up at 6:30 this morning our time because I ended up doing a live radio interview in the province of Saskatchewan because they wanted to talk to me about my Goalcast video that they had just seen. So you know what? The work never ends but guess what I did after my phone call this morning at 6:30? I had a coffee. I got the dog, put his leash on, went out in the backyard, walked down the alley, three blocks, played in the park, came back. It’s 14 below zero here today.

DH: Well, I’m happy you didn’t say you went for a swim.

AL: No, no, no, but that’s my point is I try every day to remind myself, and this is going to sound a bit funny to some people that are watching this. We need to start off our day appreciating that we’re starting off the day, no matter what that looks like. But you also said something earlier that we never did close that circle. There are stories around us, but you’ve got a story. Everyone watching this has a story they need to share with the world. You can do that on this funny looking device down here, but more than anything, what you need to do is know in your soul, that you have a value being alive. And that to me is what I think of every single day when I talk to my audience is the value of being alive.

DH: And that’s a really good point. Thank you for bringing that up because we’re talking about being grateful for all that you have and stop focusing so much on all that you’ve lost or don’t have and that I think speaks directly to the fact that you’re alive, you’re well, you’re breathing. I always say if you wake up in the morning and you stick your elbow out and there’s no wood on either side, it’s a great day. There’s tremendous value in that because now, you have an opportunity, no matter how crappy things are, you have an opportunity to make it better.

AL: So we went to the Caribbean, my wife and I for the first time, many, many, many, many years ago. And you’re from Jamaica, so you get this, but you don’t have to go to the Caribbean to experience this but it’s where I learned one of the most valuable lessons of my life. And I’ll tell you where it was specifically was in Antigua. We went to Antigua and it was just where we went. And as we’re driving to our fancy resort, we’re driving through an awful lot of towns that weren’t fancy. People sitting on their porches playing dominoes, lots of Rasta hair and you’re doing the stereotype in your head, right? Like these are all Caribbean’s. They’re all probably stoned. I mean, you’re going through this thing in your head and then you start to get to know the real people and you find out, no, not everybody’s stoned and not everybody’s got Rasta hair and not everybody’s playing, well, actually, this would be true. Reggae is everywhere. But my point is once I got to know them, got invited to their homes, they’ve got hardly anything. They don’t have a 65-inch flat-screen TV and they don’t have all these fancy kitchen devices and I’ve never met happier people on planet earth than the Caribbean’s. I’ve also met some grumpy ones, but it’s my favorite example where if we’re thinking that our collective stuff is what makes us happy, we’re getting the wrong mail.

DH: Wrong message, wrong message, absolutely. Wrong things we’re focusing on. So, my friend, this has been awesome, man. We could go on forever but we may have to do part two.

AL: I’d be happy to do part two.

DH: But before we close, tell us, where can we find you? Where can an association or a company find you if they want to reach you?

AL: Thanks for asking. It’s just AlvinLaw.com

DH: AlvinLaw.com

AL: And if you get to my thing, you’ve got to do this today folks. And I know Devon, you’ve seen this, but you’ve got to do this today. Go to AlvinLaw.com and play the first video at the very top that says, what’s your label? That’s the Goalcast video. That’s the one request I have. Watch that video. It’s seven minutes long. It shows visuals of the stories I’ve been telling today, including my wife and my parents but more than anything, it asks a great question, what’s your label?

DH: Because we all have one and the question is, are we going to adopt the label that society’s put on us or are we going to change and adopt one that’s going to make us the victor and not the victim? Alvin, you’ve been awesome, man. Your story definitely epitomizes the keep on pushing philosophy, and I’m so grateful that you’re able to come on and share your experience and your wisdom with us. Thank you so much.

AL: It’s been an honor, sir and good seeing you again and again, one more, low five!